I recently went to a birthday party at a Gothic/BDSM club in Hollywood called Bar Sinister. I had never been to a club like that before. It was an experience that I learned a lot from!!
Bar Sinister has been around since the ‘80s, serving as a home base to the Southland's Gothic population. To be honest, I didn’t know to expect. Was I going to fit in? Have a good time? Open Pandora’s Box and fall down the rabbit hole? I had heard there was going to be a live BDSM (Bondage-Discipline-Sadism-Masochism) demonstration there...BDSM????? Like 50 Shades kinda shit?!? I was immediately sucked in (pun intended). I wasn’t going to miss my friend’s birthday party and, of course, I had to see this club!
Guess what? I had a great time!!
I saw some amazing outfits (lots of BLACK)! Flogging, bondage, spanking, bruising, and I got to witness actual Dom/sub (Dominant/submissive) relationships in real-time. I saw lots of toys, fishnets, latex, rubber, and leather. It was a very inclusive venue; people of all races, body types, and sexual orientations were represented there.
There was a high level of respect (almost reverence) toward subs getting “worked on". Their Doms, the security team, the house staff, and all of the patrons were protecting everyone’s privacy, creating a very safe space to practice and be curious in. I got to witness what consent and boundaries truly look like. I got to see what pain/pleasure mean to other people. And I got to witness an extremely drunk woman projectile vomit on about 10 people (almost got me, too)!
Here are my top 12 life lessons that I learned by following my desires and curiosity (whilst clubbing at Bar Sinister):
1. The importance of living out your truth-
-My friend (the birthday girl) said when she went to her first Goth club, she immediately realized the truth about her herself: she is Goth. It’s in her bones. It’s who she is.
2. The importance of finding your tribe-
-She said that the community is extremely welcoming, loving, and protective of each other. That feeling of belonging is what everyone is looking for and deserves to have.
3. Seeking pleasure at all costs-
-I learned that it’s not your place to judge what pleasure is for other people. I mean, it’s really not your place to judge your own pleasure, to be honest. The heart wants what it wants. You just gotta go-with-the-flow sometimes. You might even end up enjoying it!
4. You can experience bondage and still feel free-
-I watched people get tied up in elaborate knots of silk, chains, and even tape. Even though they were physically tied up, their minds were free. They are free to choose this lifestyle, free to say yes to seeking pleasure, and free from the status quo. Free to be seen!
5. If you dedicate your time and energy to something that you are passionate about you, will become a master!-
-Being a Dom is an art form. The flogging technique alone is beautiful choreography! I overheard one Dom say he’s been practicing for 10 years and he’s still learning and growing his craft. They are truly artists.
6. You are the messenger, not the editor, of your life. It’s up to you to DISCOVER what you are here to do, who to be, and what to have-
-It’s our job to discover who we truly are and to allow our own soul to know itself as "you". It’s been my experience that our society (American) tends to look down on the whole Goth lifestyle, but those who define themselves as Goth are set free by it. Judgment is based in fear. You can't fully experience yourself if you don't experience all that life has to offer. Which leads us to...
7. You have to step out of our comfort zone for growth-
-I was a bit out of my comfort zone, but I’m so glad that I went! I learned that BDSM is not for me, lol. While there were certain things that were intriguing, I tend to want to avoid pain (different strokes for different folks).
8. Setting boundaries is the key to life-
-The key to BDSM is CONSENT. The Dom CANNOT DO A THING WITHOUT THE SUB'S CONSENT, which is a fabulous rule that the community follows. If both parties can't be safe, then the "fun" stops. This is a wonderful lesson for life in general; know your limits and be willing to explore past them...but be strong in defending them.
9. It’s okay to say no-
-The Dom always checked in with his sub to see if they were doing okay and wanted to continue. Again, if the sub's not feeling it, then it's a no-go. Pushing boundaries is fun, but the safety of their partner is the top priority. Pushing your boundaries is exciting, but don't get taken for a ride. Learn to say no (and REALLY mean it).
10. It’s okay to say yes-
-I saw so many subs ask for more, asking to be spanked harder. You could see the look of turn-on and pleasure all over their faces. Letting go and saying yes to experiencing something new is so exciting!
11. It takes courage to be your authentic self-
-Can you imagine the courage it takes to realize you are called to BDSM life? It takes real courage to buck the status quo and to own who you are and what you love. It takes courage to give yourself FULL permission to be 100% you.
12. You can NEVER go wrong with black-
-Ever! There was a dress code (you could either wear Gothic clothes or you could wear all black). It's such a mysterious, strong, color! Guaranteed, you can't help but feel confident rocking black in any daring outfit.
So, my Loves! What courageous thing are you going to do for yourself? Hit reply and let me know (I personally read all of your comments, emails, DM’s). Xo
With Love & Abundance,